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Not So Sweet Surprises

Updated: Jan 27, 2020

Today's blog is focused on planning. A wedding is filled with touching moments and lasting memories. The details - everything from the blush peonies, the grilled shrimp avocado toast, and the charming menu cards reflect very careful decisions made by the couple.

These choices are often considered, debated, evaluated, and yes, even agonized over. The bridal couple has a vision of how they want their day to be, how they want their guests to feel, and, often most importantly, how they themselves want to feel throughout the day.

The friends and family of the couple are often so touched and emotional to be part of their Big Day that they want to give something back - something more meaningful than just another item on their registry. So they come up with an inspired idea, and they contact the couple's wedding planner or DJ. Because they have a SURPRISE - a big, beautiful, emotional, wonderful surprise for the bride and/or groom.

Over the years, surprises for the brides and grooms have varied - to everything from a simple photo, an entire video presentation, a surprise arrival of a band, a drum line, Sparty himself, etc. And while most of these surprises were well-received, it's important to note that, in general, a surprise is not a great idea at a wedding. We have nixed surprises before, based on instructions from the couple. We always give the bride/groom a heads up, with a vague notice that there is a "surprise" in store, and ask them if they are comfortable with letting it happen, or if they would prefer to have us tell them what is going on.

Why? Are we terrible people who hate surprises? Are we just control freaks? No - it's the exact opposite. It's because we are, first and foremost and always, focused on the bride and groom and making sure their day is the day they want. We don't want the bride to cut the cake and have frosting explode on to her dress, and have her cry (that's just not funny). We don't want the groom to have an emotional song played, one that will only remind him of some sadness, and have him cry before the evening has really begun. We don't want the bride or groom to feel anything other than what they are open to feeling, as they are the center and focus of the day - a role they might not be so comfortable with. We don't want the couple to cry - unless it's tears of joy.

Now, if we get notified that we have to help coordinate the surprise visit of a sibling home from deployment, Sparty hitting the dance floor, or something similar that is all but guaranteed to bring about sheer happiness, that's no problem (and we will do our absolute best to make it work seamlessly with the existing timeline).

But, in general, please respect all the work, time and effort the bride and groom have taken in crafting their very special day. Save the surprises for the smaller gatherings - bachelor/bachelorette parties, showers, rehearsal dinners, etc.

On the Big Day, let the bride and groom be the director of their own personal movie, and let them decide if and when they want to cry.

Lots of Love to all Brides, Grooms, Family and Friends - let's all make a happy day for the couple!!!

Photo by Amy Carroll Photography

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